Through the Eyes of a True Champ
by ssxgurl21
Summary: This is my new fic about the SSX Tricky circuit, through the eyes of someone who doesn't exactly race. That's right, this fanfiction is written in the POV of Razell the DJ. Read and Review, chapter 5 up on 9-19-04.
1. Gay Windbreakers and Fat Booty Shakers

Through the eyes of a true Champ by ssxgurl21  
  
Hey, its ssxgurl21 here with a cool new concept for a story. I decided to write a fic about the SSX Tricky circuit, through the eyes of someone who doesn't exactly race. That's right, this fanfiction is written through the eyes of Razell the DJ. Yay! I am not sure how long this will be at the moment.. but read and review anyhow.  
  
Disclaimer: I will say this once, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! BACK OFF COPYRIGHT HARPERS!  
  
Dear book,  
  
I don't want to call you diary. I am not a little girl writing in a pink journal.   
  
I guess I should tell you something about myself, considering you are my notebook thing. My name is DJ Razell Brown. This year as a bonus to my fabulous Dj-ing job, my boss suggested I take off from the radio station work and do something a little more social and exotic... so here I am siting in Garibaldi Canada waiting for a bunch of snowboarders to arrive. Yep, you guessed it, I am the new tour manager of a low budget snowboard circuit. Last years manager quit... sounds like a bad omen.  
  
They are making me wear this really ugly colored windbreaker so the boarders will recognize me. Its orange, blue, and black. Not to mention, the temperature in the airport is like a bajillion degrees.  
  
Checked a thermometer that was laying around... its only 80ish in here. Close enough.  
  
Ok, its already 5:30... and nobody is here yet. How long am I supposed to wait in an airport full of Canadian people wearing an ugly windbreaker?!?  
  
Never mind, here is some little girl in brown pigtails skipping this way... I pray to god that this little energy ball isn't one of the snowboarders.  
  
I have great luck. She skipped over here al joyful and trilled, "Konichiwaka." or something like that.  
  
I asked,"Do you need help finding your mommy, little girl?"   
  
"No, I with snowboard league." she said as she pointed to the SSX Tricky banner above my head. Oh joy. I told her to sit quietly and wait for the others.  
  
I found at a few things while babysitting. 1) I found out why the first tour manager quit, 2) I found out that the little girl's name is Kaori, she is 17, and a Japanese ball of Ôpositive' energy, and 3) I found out that quietly wasn't in her english vocabulary yet. If I ever hear the song ÔRow row row your boat' again I think I may be sick down my wonderful windbreaker.  
  
I got rid of Ms. happy happy fun joy by giving her money and telling her to buy me a coffee at the gift shop.  
  
Ok, now here comes a boy with really messy brown hair. He is on the short side and wearing ghetto clothes, but appears to be white, from this angle at least.  
  
"Yo yo yo peace up, a-town down dawg! Mac-Smack-Fraiser is here! Fo shizzle mah nizzle!" said the boy as he ran over and jumped in the air. I really didn't catch his name in all of the ghetto-ness. He probably thinks he's black and riding a skateboard. I think its one of those Michael Jackson traps where he used to be black and still thinks he is...  
  
"Er... hi I am Razell." I said with a raised eyebrow. He made the Ôword' sign with his hand and sat down to listen to his MP3 player. Charming.  
  
Here comes the little happy girl.. Kiora was it? WAIT! She is running over with a panda bear-like thing in her arms... Where is my Coffee?!?  
  
"Here is Moffee, Razell-san." she trilled as she held out the bear. What's a Moffee?  
  
"Where is my coffee, Kiora?" I asked.  
  
"You want coffee?" she asked in a confused way as she dropped the bear on the ground.  
  
After interrogating Kiora for a few minutes, I found out that she thought I said I wanted a ÔMoffee', which is some kind of weird little Japanese bear. Wonderful, now I am caffiene-free and have a new mammal companion. At least he isn't rapping to a random song like he is Eminem.  
  
Now I am rummaging around in my bag to try to find some more money to send Kiora away with, I found a clipboard... hmm... all of the names and pictures of the boarders who are to arrive. This would have been helpful five minutes ago when I spent like an hour trying to find out what the heck her name was.  
  
Ok, the wannabe's name is Mackenzie (hahaha) and the little Japanese girls name is Kaori.. I was close.  
  
As I turned to give Kaori a five, I saw her smiling like a goofball and talking to Mackenzie, who thankfully stopped rapping. Clueless Teen Romance? Nah, more like excerpt from the best-selling novel, 51 Ways To Piss of a Thirsty Tour Manager in a Gay Windbreaker.  
  
I finally got Kaori to leave with the money, and Mackenzie followed her. I am aloney.. on my own-ey again. Yessss.  
  
I spoke too soon. Here comes some girl snowboarder who I first though was going past me to the bar to strip on a pole. According to the clipboard, her name Is Marisol Diez Delgado, and she is a Latin booty shaker.. She walks funny, her butt waggling like it has a life of its own.  
  
"Hello Miss Diez Delgado," I said politley as she shimmies over. Waggle waggle. Mabey she should get Lipo, or looser pants.  
  
"Hello, chico," she smiled. Chico? What am I, a furniture store? "And what was your name?" she asked.  
  
"I am Dj Razell, your new manager." I replied.  
  
"Wonderful!" she squeaked with excitement. She sounds like a mouse. A mouse with a big ass. "I hope my request for a manicurist on call was received?" she inquired.  
  
"No, this is a crappy, low budget snowboard circuit, we don't have enough money to make sure your fingernails look nice." I replied. I studied her dazed and confused face... then studied her curvy and tanned body. Niiice, I may try to get something one day.  
  
"Chico, this sucks!" she spat angrily as she stomped over to a chair. Waggle Waggle. She sat down, and her big butt barely fit. I began to wonder, how the hell does she board with that cargo? Baby got back, and front, now that I look a bit more. Then she began to sniffle and polish her nails.  
  
Mabey I will reconsider my earlier plans to try to get something, I mean you shouldn't fuck with the emotionally unstable. If I tried anything, she may go all psycho and jump off a cliff or something...  
  
Speaking of jumping off a cliff, here comes a guy who looks like he does that as a little fun activity for before dinner or something. He is all pierced and tattooed and spikey-haired... Well I have to go find Kiora, I mean Kaori and Mackenzie so I can finally get some coffee. And get away from this guy who is coming right at me with a wicked grin. If I check the clipboard and he is there.. er I don't know what I am going to do... well let's just say this is going to be one HELL OF A YEAR!  
  
well bye for now, Razell  
  
So what do you think so far? Yay or nay for me? Review please, it means a lot to me 


	2. Another Moffee, Tranqulity and Coffee

Hey its ssxgurl again. Thanks to everyone who reviewed for chapter one!  
  
CutebutPsycho31: Thanks for reviewing, even thoguh you hate me can you still r and r? I need the reviews thanks in advance.  
  
Drum Kero: Thanks, its cool how Razell cant remember well. Glad u like the story.  
  
ok onward with the next installment!  
  
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Dear Bookie-Wookie face,  
  
Hey! Don't make fun of me making up pet names. I see you snickering! being a DJ/Tour manager is a lonely job thus far. So there.  
  
Anywho, here I am in the middle of an airport. Surrounded by Canadians. Wearing a gay windbreaker. And watching a man not wearing a shirt and bearing menacing muscles walk straight at me with a scary grin on his pierced face.  
  
Wow, I hope this dude is here for an airlift to an Asylum somewhere. Oh lordy, here he comes. closer, closer, this is like scary movie drama. Y'know like slow motion? I was just about to nanchalantly walk away from the banner when-  
  
"BINGO!" yelled the psycho man. I guess thats his name, Bingo. Hahah. Eew, I just snorted. "I am here to snowboard with some gay little league full of gay fuckers." he added darkly. From just plain crazy to mad and scary in about 5 seconds. Oooer a new record.  
  
"Ok, er Bingo, go sit over there and dont touch anything." I said sincerely. He is looking at me, definitley realizing my athority.  
  
"My name isnt Bingo." he whispered softly. Verrry creepy. "Its PSYMON!" he screamed before laughing like a psycho freak in no shirt, like he is. I. Am. So. Fucking. Scared.  
  
I excused myself to the bathroom to calm down. A man with heart conditions such as mine shouldnt be exposed to such severe...er... total and complete psychoness. Well here I am in a toilet stall hiding from people who are under my command.... Wait! That's right, Im the boss. Now I will go back out with a completely confident attitude, I mean I do control them! I OWN THEM! Ok. Time to kick ass and take names. Or at least just establish the idea that I can.  
  
Wow, assertiveness is where its at. I walked out of the bathroom with regained pride (and toilet paper hanging off my shoe). Then I marched right over to 10 Ssx boarders, told them my name and that I am the boss, and they all agreed and warmly wecomed me. Snaps for Razell.  
  
A bunch of people arrived during my abscence. A tall, nice looking blonde named Elise (or so says the almightly clipboard) was talking animatedly to an Afroe'd guy who looks like he is stuck in the 70's. Psymon was sitting there trying to touch Elise's butt (which isnt quite as porky as Marisol's).The sparks of romance are flying here. Then, there is Baby got back talking to a rich frenchie and a seedy looking pig who smells like garbage disposal gone wrong. Then, there is a random bald, black chick in a fur coat who is nodding and occasionally singing jazzy words. Kiora (that's it, right?) and Mackenzie are talking to a tall, surfer guy. Socailization. yeah, great.  
  
I am sitting here, feeling good. I still have some coffee left that I am merrilly sipping at, everything is in order. Wonderful. I am just now reading up on some names, bios, hobbies and personalitlies. For instance, swamp buggy man is Luther Dwane Grady and he likes to play guitar and scare childre. (Ok I made that last apst up...) Mr Buddah Booster is named Brodi, and he believes in karma, Buddah, blah blah blah spiritual junk like that. I still don't get how people can worship a fat guy. It also says here that he is a vegan. Ha, mabey I will slip some honey in some of his herbal tea for a few kicks if things get boring.  
  
That baldie is named Seeiah. It also says here that she Ôpursuied a career as a jazz singer.' Lord help her poor roomate. I really do hope the hotel walls are thick enough so that only the two of them suffer. I need my beauty sleep.  
  
Kiora interrrupted my peace by coming over here and yelling, "Wakiki o woogia I la polika" or something.   
  
I replied, "I speak ENGLISH, child. thats E-N-G-L-I-S.  
  
Then Mackenzie said, "Dawg, you left out the H. Cant you spell, Foshizzle?" Ha, I didnt know they had that kind of quality schools in the ghetto he is from.  
  
Anyway, after about 5 minutes of little Mr. Ghetto Funk going ÔYo, da name is Mac, Ima give you a smackdown dawg' after I call him ÔMackenzie', I found out that Kiora was asking for more money to buy something. What do I look like, a damn bank?!?  
  
Mabey its the windbreaker. In Japaneseland, the colors for the bank could be orange, white and blue. Hmm, who knows.  
  
Here comes Elise. I hope she isnt coming over to whine about wanting money from me.  
  
"Hey Razzie." Razzie? I guess thats my new nickname. better get used to it.  
  
"Yeah Elise? What do you want?" I asked. I am truly not in the mood to be bothered anymore by these people. I wish they would go back to occupying themselves.  
  
"On the list of return boarders, is there someone named Payne?" she asked. Fine, I will look on the list if it will make you happy, blondie. Hmm Payne..... Payne, Zoe. that must be her.  
  
"There is someone named Zoe who is returning." I replied.  
  
"Oh thanks." said Elise as she let out a sigh of what I imagone to be releif. mabey they were friends...? Oh I dont care. All I care about is that I am in peace again.  
  
La la la, tranquility. I feel as calm as that Zen person Brodi while he's meditating. Mabey I will buy a book callled Buddhism for Dummies and share in his calm, cool, and collected ways. Or not. Though I may need it later as a stress buster.  
  
Here comes Kiora. Guess she finished shopping. Why is she carrying antoher bear!?!  
  
"Razell-san, I broght you new Moffee. Other Moffee will be lonely if no have friend."   
  
"Er, thanks, how sweet." Except now I have two damn pandas. But I have to be nice and humble, I can't upset a poor little Japanese girl who is only tryng to be nice. Although, if she brings a third bear I am not responsible for my actions.  
  
While I was trying to shove Useless Panda Bear Named Moffe 1 and Useless Panda Bear Named Moffe 2 into my backpack, Zoe Payne is coming over here while holding hands with some guy wearing tight shorts named Moby Jones. They are walking close together and and they dropped hands as they approacheed. I guess they are together, a semi-secret romance.  
  
"The name's Zoe Payne." cheered Zoe as she walked right over and shook my hand.  
  
"I know." I replied. She is looking at me funny. Now she thinks I am her stalker. "My name is DJ Razell Brown and I am your tour manager." She nodded and stepped back. I think I scared her. Apparently that Bingo, I mean Psymon, guy doesnt creep her out because she is goving him some looks. Right next to who I assume is her BF. She has got more of an eye than even that Latina girl, who is now hitting on that poor guy with the fro nammed Eddie.  
  
"My names Moby Jones, mate." said Moby. Mate? I'll add it to my list of nicknames. I shook Mr. Oblivious's hand and declared the finish of the airport party.  
  
"Everyone is here so pack into the van and lets get the hell out of here!" I yelled. Everyone cheered and stood up to board into the tour bus. They are all cheering for me, I am soo poular! Once I loaded all of the loons into the back of the bus, I took my place in my super secret office. Hey! I even have groovy expensive pen things and cool little Jolly Ranchers in a bowl. I even get a squishy chair that make a farty noise when you sit(!)Yay. I really like being boss...  
  
Ta ta for now,  
  
Razell the Great  
  
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Hey there is chapter 2, thanks for reading now go review. 


	3. Haunted House and Fun in the Rooms

Hey its me again. Thanks to all of the reviewers:  
  
Drum:Thanks. I kinda made up Moffee's, I have no idea if they exist or not. But I do want one, because they are cute -.-.  
  
Mariel: thanks so much, heres a cool update  
  
Nomysp's Angel: Thanks for the review  
  
Marty: Ha, you think youre cool.  
  
Ok and having done that, here's chapter numero 3  
  
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Dear Mr. Book Book,  
  
As you see I'm experimenting with names. I will find one that fits you perfectly, eventually.  
  
I'm still in my awesomey cooley new office. After playing with the balls that click together, photocopying my butt with the fax machine, squeezing the little stress ball, doodling mustches on all the ssxers on my clipboard, and clicking the expensive pen until my finger was sore, I am now getting slightly bored.   
  
Now I am laying on the floor looking at the cool blue ceiling. I dunno why they got me such a nice office when I have to go into a hotel anyway. mabey if that psycho Psymon burns it down I can come seek temporary refuge here.  
  
Ah, I see the mountain now. We should be coming upon the hotel soon. Good thing, its already 12 pm and I'm tired. I wonder if anyone is actually sleeping. They probably are, its quiet, too quiet...  
  
I am going to go check on the riders now. but, I have to do it in a sneaky-sneak way, or else they will know I am spying on them and they would stop whatever they were doing in hopes that I would still think they are good. That wouldn't be cool. Or climactic.  
  
I crept up to the door... and put my ear against it like someone would do if they were checking for a fire. AAAAAAAAAH IT BURNS! Hahahahah jk, I gotcha, didnt I? Anywho, I flung open the door, and screamed "I KNEW IT!" like I was catching them doing something bad. If I cant get them, I bet their consciences can.  
  
They were sitting in a sewing circle. Playing an innocent game of cards. How boring. And Marisol wasnt even on the table dancing like I thought she would be. They must be really scared of my athority. Remind me to thank my boss for promoting me.  
  
Well I am standing in the doorway, in complete silence. The awkwardness was broken by Brodi. "Want to come play cards with us, grasshopper?  
  
"Ok, sure, whatcha playin?" I asked as I sat down between JP and Elise.  
  
"Go fish, dawg." said Mac as he did the word sign with his hand, showing all of his cards to Seeiah and Eddie.  
  
"Ok." I repeated before joing the card game.  
  
I played cards with the ssxers for about 10 minutes before the bus reached the hotel. It was completely uneventful, except for when Psymon lit his hand on fire because it wasnt good enough. (I mean his hand oif cards, not his hand hand. Though that would have been slightly more amusing). I have to say, This is a really tame group considering the diversity. I really do like this job.  
  
The tour bus rolled up to the hotel and I stoood there in shock with my mouth open. Earlier when I said this was a low budget snowboarding circuit, I meant it.  
  
The hotel looks like a really crap haunted house at a carnival. It's all broken down with boarded up windows and has cobwebs everywehere. But it doesnt have that aura of spookiness, like a real haunted house has. It actually has the aura of a lazy, crippled caretaker.  
  
This must be a joke. The ssxers and I clamored out of the bus and a harsh, icy wind swept through the area. For once, I'm glad I am wearing this gay windbreaker.  
  
"This creepy! me no like it at all!" cried Kiora as she pulled me into a hug while sobbing into my chest. Poor girl... er... what to do now. Im standing in the midde of a dirt pathway leading to a haunted house-like hotel with a scared Japanese girl holding me. I should comfort her.  
  
I handed Kiora a moffe and told her to hug it. She shook her head, grabbed the panda, hugged it, then blew her nose in it. Ok, she soiled my panda. The sacrafices I make.  
  
We walked up the gravelly path, suitcases at hand, and I made the bold move of flinging open the front door. Ooops, it kinda fell off. Well it was only hanging by a few hinges, anyway.  
  
The isnide of the hotel isnt much better. Its all.... dark and boring. A little cleaner, though. Empty fireplace, shabby couch, small reception desk... how inviting.  
  
"Ugh chico, I dont know if I can stay here! Just look at how shabby this is!" cried Marisol as she flicked her long blonde hair. Why does she always do that? I dont think its an uncontrollable habit like the butt waggling, she does it just to annoy me.  
  
"Can I help you?" asked little old lady as she popped up behind the reception desk.  
  
"Sure, we got 7 rooms please." I said. She looked at me all funny. A look that says, "Oh I havent had this many people actually want to stay here since I opened this place about 7 decades ago.  
  
Anyway, I ushered everyone into there rooms. "JP and Elise in here." I said while looking at my clipboard and pointing to the first room. While in my office, I also paired people up and prepared them for rooms. I put people together based on what would attract the most publicity, like forming celebrity scandals. At this rate, some publicity may entitle us to a half ass hotel.  
  
"I am so gifted to be in your prescence, madame." cooed JP in his Frenchie accent. Elise just blushed and giggled as she grabbed his hand and walked into the room. Hmm. That 70's kid Wachowski looks a bit miffed. Can you say jealousy?!?  
  
Anyway, onto room 2. "Brodi and Kiora." I said while gesturing to the door.  
  
"Thanks for lending Moffee." sniffled Kiora as she out the wet and slimy bear back in my arms. Now I really feel like a babysitter. But I put her with Zen boy so he can babysit and mabey calm her down by intoxicating her with inscence or something.  
  
After cramming DG (my new nickname for Luther, get it, DG= Dwayne Grady? Oh nevermind) and Seeiah into their room, I came upon a problem. Who shall I put Zoe with, Mr. Moby Jones or Sketchy Psymon? Ha, remember, its all about scandals. "Stark and Payne." I cheered out, trying not to look too pleased at myself for the great publicity idea. This is awesome, soon this circuit will be as popular as Britney's Vegas wedding!  
  
Moby doesnt seem as thrilled, though. He is all huffy and pissed. Oh well! If he confronts me and demands an explanation, I will say I did it in hopes that Zoe will be able to control Psymon's antics. I have skills in making up scandals, and excuses!  
  
Ok, throw Marisol and Mr. Jones in a room to attempt to make him feel a little better, then I will throw Funky man and Ghetto boy together. "Mackenzie and Eddie in here, please." I trilled. Ha, now Mr. Ghetto fab is like, "Yo yo yo da name is Mac and Ima-" but then I shut the door in his white little face.  
  
Now that everyone is settled, I went into my room. Eew, I never really noticed how creepy it is alone... and uch spiderwebs.. Well i will just try to lie down and ignore the scariness.  
  
Laying down. Scared. I WANT MY MOMMY! Well I cant have my mommy, but mabey I will hug my Moffee for a bit.  
  
Here I am. A thirty-something year old man laying in a bed with a Japanese stuffed bear. (I took the un-soiled one). Ah! I see a bunch of shadows. I think i'll turn the lights off.  
  
This is even creepier. Well since I cant sleep, I will go down the hall and get a drink of water from the kitcheny place.  
  
Ok, I am drinking water and I feel better and- HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! SOME ONE JUST FUCKING TAPPED MY SHOULDER! SWEET MOTHER OF GOD- oh it's just Marisol. I should tell her the error of her sneaky ways, because that gave me quite a fright.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK ID YOUR PROBLEM, YOU DAMN WHORE, YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!?!?!?" I yelled.  
  
"Sorry chico." pouted Marisol. She is looking at me with those nice, chocolate brown eyes. I cant really see the rest of her in the dark, so dont think I have lost my pervertedness, because im proud to say that I havent. God, ignore me, now I am just rambling. But I must remeber to contain myself and keep my hands at my side, for 1) I am the tour manager and 2) she is emotionally unstable. I have had bad experience with the emotionally unstable.  
  
"Well just don't sneak up on me like that. Can't you stomp around, play loud music, yodel or something next time?" I asked. I think that is a reasonable request, don't you?   
  
"Ok chico. Whatever you say, you are the boss." she said in a really sweet voice as she brushed her hand against my arm. Ok, now its clear that shes hitting on me. I have to put aside my wishes, and tell her how it is.  
  
"Sleeping with me will not get you a gold medal in any race." I said sternly. I cant believe I just said that, but I guess I must do the right thing, sadly. She frowned and alked away. Even in the dark, I can tell she is waggling. Well I guess the only thing to do is go back to sleep in my own bed.  
  
I woke up early, really early in fact, to get all of the lazy bums up. La la la, after drinking 4 cups of coffee, I may finally be changing into a morning person. Whhheeeee. Now, I am gonna walk around around using my many cool keys to open doors and disurb sleerping, or not so sleeping, people. I unlocked a door, flung it open, and whooo. Hey, someone had some fun last night! Names are going to be withheld though. ZoeandPsymonhadititotallygoingonman.  
  
Mabey I will send someone else into their room to wake them up. Ok, here is JP and Elise's room. Do you think it is safe to go in there? No, ok onto Mackenzie and Eddie's room. This should be safe, but just to make sure, I will knock.  
  
Knock knock.  
  
"Come in." yelled Eddie. I flung open the door and saw Eddie trying to pull Mackezie out of bed. "He wont get up!" aid Eddie as he struggled to pull the covers off of the little ghetto boy.  
  
"Mackenzie, GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS BED RIGHT NOW OR I WILL KICK YOUR LITTLE GHETTO ASS." I screamed, in his ear. he didnt move. Mabey he died.   
  
No, he didnt die, he is listening to his MP3 player. I snatched it threatened to throw it in Luther's toilet if he didnt get up. It worked, he sprang right out of bed. I am awesome.  
  
After rushing into some more random rooms, trying to catch people doing emabarassing things that I can send into TV for money and publicity, I had everyone awake. (Though I didnt go disturb Zoe and Psymon, I sent Kiora in for me.)  
  
Just as I was herding all of the racers into the main lobby, I got a call on my cell phone. Well I'd better answer it, huh? "Hello." I said into the phone. Uh-oh, my boss is on the other line. He is probably going to yell at me for something. When he is done yelling at me, I will yell at him about the crappy hotel. We can have a yelling match. Actually, he is my boss, so mabey I will just Ôsuggest' things instead.  
  
Well I gotta go haggle with my boss so bye for now,  
  
Razell the Great  
  
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Thats all for now, review on your way out please 


	4. Dodgeball!

Ok time for a new chapter! (Which took me like 5 years to post, sorry) But before that let's thank the reviewers:  
  
Marty: Um thanks.. I never knew you were that way...  
  
Con: Thanks, here's the new chap!  
  
Freak of nature: Ok I read and reviewed your story, and here's a new chap of mine!  
  
NA: Thanks for the review, and don't worry abut the Zoe Psy, there WILL be Moby Zoe as well, I promise  
  
Drum Kero: Well who knows what could happen later.... ;)  
  
Anyway, onto chapter 4!  
  
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Dear Bob,  
  
I thought you should have a proper name, so I'll call you Bob.  
  
Anywho, I am talking on my phone to my boss(!) Yikes...  
  
"Rahzel Brown you are the biggest idiot ever." said my boss.  
  
"I didn't mean to, I swear!" I croaked.  
  
"Chico's gonna get fired." whispered Marisol to Seeiah in the background. She is obviously still upset with me because I wouldn't do stuff with her. Fat annoying, yet sexy, slut.  
  
"You damn numbskull! You went to the wrong hotel! Where the fuck are you?!?" yelled my boss. The wrong hotel? Huh?!? Well, that explains a lot.  
  
"We are at the, er, Rickilos Mansion." I said as I read a plaque on the wall.  
  
"What the... and whose idea was it to go there?" he ask.  
  
"It was Mackenzie's idea." I lied, trying to weasel out of trouble.  
  
"No it wasn't, dawg!" Yelled Super Ghetto Boy. "I wanted to go to Playboy Mansion, yo"   
  
"Hehe, I was just kidding, It was the.... um... BUS DRIVER'S IDEA!" I cheered, proud of myself for the great excuse.  
  
"Alright then. The hotel you are supposed to be staying at is just down the road, pack up and get in the bus while I inform the driver." sighed my boss as he hung up on me.  
  
Awesome! We are staying at a good hotel! Oh yeah that rocks!  
  
Well I am reading the Schedule while forcing all of the SSXers back onto the bus. It says "GYM TRAINING" for today.... Gym training? What the fuck? I am supposed to sit around on my ass yelling while these guys beat the hell out of each other, fly down some slopes, and show some Skill-age while doing wild tricks! I am not supposed to be like one of those bulimic men who lift weights and show up on Oprah.  
  
As we walk onto the bus, I realize there is a new bus driver. Thank god. well I ushered the last person, Elise (who was giggling at all of JP's not funny jokes), onto the bus, I went into my office. Yay, I almost forgot how much fun it is in here.  
  
Same bat time, same bat place. I am now doodling mustaches on all of the SSXers on my clipboards, and I must say that Kiora looks particularly funny. And wow, I think Seeiah looks good with one! It makes up for the lack of hair on her head. Mabey someday, when the time is right,I will mention the suggestion of facial hair, in passing of course.  
  
After a few more minutes of lollygaging and being stupid, I decided that i want to make sure this bus driver knows what he is doing.  
  
"Hello Mr. Bus driver person!" I said while strolling out of my office. He remains silent. mabey he HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED! WE ARE GONNA CRASH! I think he may even be napping.... I should remain calm, and yell in his ear to wake him up if that is the case.  
  
"HELLO?!" I screamed.  
  
"Hello there you little whippersnapper!" the skinny, yet old and smelly, bus driver cheers. What a creepy old fart. At least he is not a fat, dirty Mexican like all of the fake Santa's at the mall.  
  
"Hi. So were are we headed to?" I asked.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
He must be deaf! Aha, I have figured out his handicap.  
  
"WHERE ARE WE GOING?" I scream.  
  
"The hotel!" he cheers. He is a creepy, happy old fart.  
  
"IT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT WORKING OUT IN THE GYM!" I yelled back.  
  
"What? Something about making out in the keg of gin?!?" he asked in a confused, yet happy way. Now he is visualizing some fond memories from a party he attended back in the stoneage. Lord help me, because if I lose my voice and become a mute I will also lose my fabulous job.  
  
"TRAIN... IN... GYM..." I yelled loud and clear, hoping simplicity is the best policy.  
  
"Oh, why didn't you say so? here is a gym in the hotel." he said dreamily.  
  
Things were getting awkward and silent, so I departed back to my loverly office. Wheeee, time to play with the clickie balls!  
  
After indulging in the ultimate fun for another 10 minutes, we arrived at the real hotel. Everyone clamored out of the bus with their bags and the driver sped away.  
  
"Now this is what I call a hotel!" beamed Elise.   
  
"Damn straight." said Mackenzie as he walked up next to her, his arm brushing up against hers. WHOA! I think Superfly Ghetto Fab is Flirting with Vapid Canadian Model. Mabey if I stuck them together.... oh the publicity ideas are flowing to me now!  
  
Anyway, the hotel is so awesome. We walked inside and the lobby looked like something Barbie would own. It was all shiny and marbley and cool. Everyone was ooooing and aaaaahing. Psymon started laughing like a freaking maniac, what else is new?  
  
Well since we are behind schedule because of the hotel fandango, I decided to take charge right away to get back on schedule.  
  
"Let's go everyone, same rooming arrangements, put your sit in your rooms and get down here in your nicest little gym clothes!" I yelled. Everyone groaned, but obeyed as I passed out the keys. So I sat down and decided to write up a workout plan on my loverly clipboard...  
  
1) make people jog a lap. Make Luther and Mac jog 2, because Luther is fat and Mac is wannabe ghetto.  
  
2) make the people stretch and do push ups.  
  
3) do stuff like-  
  
But my list-making was cut off by someone/something sitting next to me on the couch and grabbing my arm. It was Marisol.  
  
"Hey chico, I am ready to go to the gym and work up a sweat." she said sweetly. I looked to see her wearing short shorts and a tank top. Oh yeah, very ready to work out.  
  
"Hey Marisol." I said as nicely as possible. She stared at me through her nice brown eyes. She is actually really pretty up close... NO! She is waaay to close, I mean I am the tour manager! I cant do this!  
  
Just in time to save me, comes Mr. Super Ghetto! I guess I wont make him run another lap...  
  
"Yo yo dawg when are we going to da gym?" he asked while strutting in. I think he really does imagine he is Eminem, which is sad.  
  
"Once everyone-" there was a rumble, and the rest of the boarders all clamored down the stairs at once. "Gets here." I finished lamely. I turned on hy heel and led all of the boarders into the gym, which was actually pretty big.  
  
"Are we actually going to have to do anything that involves work?" asked Elise as she picked at her nails. "I just got a manicure."   
  
I really could care less about Elise's nails, so i just sent everyone off on a jog because I don't feel like dealing with their problems. After the lap (2 for Luther), I had everyone stretch. I was very surprised at how flexible Psymon. he can touch his head to his knee, easily. That's a little creepy. Either he stretches obsessively, or he just lost too many nerve endings to feel pain.  
  
After the stretch and 20 push ups, I was all out of scheduled activities. I will take some suggestions I guess.  
  
"Who the fuck has an idea of what we can do now?" I asked the group.  
  
"Lets play dodgeball!" cheered Seeiah. Dodgeball, sounds interesting.  
  
"Kiora, go check if there are any balls in the supply cabinet." I ordered. kiora skipped (very annoying) over to the closet and looked inside.  
  
"This no is a supply, is weights in room." she said. What in the name of Beezlebub is she talking about?!?  
  
"Um, she means that it is a weight room and there aren't and dodgeballs." said Brodi as he peeked into the room. Kiora nodded so intently I thought her head would fall of.  
  
I was about to suggest we use Seeiah's bald head as a ball, (considering she suggested it,) but I saw something better. Much better.  
  
"Ok everyone, I see something we can use. For now, get into teams of Mackenzie, Eddie, Psymon, Zoe, Elise and kaori versus everyone else." I said while singling out random people. Then, I went to the weight room. I picked up about a ball and lined it up in the middle. man, that was really heavy... Oh well. I came back in to see everyone on their teams, ready to play.  
  
"OK GO!" I yelled while blowing my handy dandy whistle. (I found it next to the balls). Why the hell did the whistle just let out a quack sound instead of a shrill sounding thing? It must be the Canadian trend or something...  
  
After everyone finished laughing, they all rushed to the middle to grab a ball.  
  
"BINGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Psymon as he picked up the ball and chucked it at JP.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Jp as he was bowled over, and went crashing into the wall. "This iz a 5 lb medicine ball!" he yelled while examining it.  
  
Medicine ball? No wonder it was so heavy... Oh well. they need to toughen up anyway.  
  
"Heads up, pansies!" yelled Luther as he picked up the ball ad chucked it at Elise, who screamed and ducked. Zoe dove to grab the ball out of mid air.  
  
"You're OUT tubby!" laughed Zoe.  
  
"Awe shit." groaned Luther as he and JP walked to the jail. Zoe passed the ball to Mac, who lobbed it over, and it was caught by Moby.  
  
"Is that as hard as you can throw? WIMP!" yelled Zoe as she and Psymon started laughing like maniacs. They must really be into this game.  
  
Moby tossed the ball over, attempting to free someone from jail, but Kiora surprised the hell out of me by catching it.  
  
"Seeiah-san, heads up!" cheered Kiora as she threw the ball across the gym at Seeiah.  
  
"No fucking way, Ima ruin my new coat." grimaced Seeiah as she jumped out of the way, and it went to Marisol, who also dodged it.  
  
"Ok, heads up JP!" yelled Marisol as she chucked the ball over in an attempt to free Jp from jail, but he was too busy flirting with Elise to catch it. The ball hit Elise hard on the head.  
  
"Ow you bitch!" yelled Elise. "Now I am going to get a bruise!"   
  
"You should have been paying attention instead of flirting, You slut!" said Marisol. OoOo, I see a catfight starting. Should I break it up yet? Hell no.  
  
"Me a slut?!? Look at your outfit! It makes you seem like the Class A Bimbo that you are." retaliated Elise as she stepped over the midway line and advanced on Marisol.  
  
QUUUUUUUUUAAAAACCCCK!  
  
"You are both out, Marisol for throwing the ball at Elise's head, and Elise for rushing over the line in an attempt to kick Marisol's huge ass. Go to jail!" I declared. Both ladies grumbled, but obeyed. Kiora picked up the ball and sent it flying at Brodi, who caught it and chucked it at Eddie.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhh!" yelled Eddie as it hit his foot while he was jumping away in midair. Now this, is entertainment. It also kinda reminds me of the Matrix.  
  
Zoe picked up the ball and chucked it as hard as she could at Seeiah, who squealed and jumped out of the way. But the ball hit the wall and came around to smack her in the back! Not this is what I call fun!  
  
"Oh you damn white bitch..." muttered Seeiah the bald racist. Brodi picked up the ball. It was him versus Zoe and psymon. OoOoO the suspense. ok, I will shut up.  
  
"Heads up Moby!" yelled Brodi as he chucked the ball with all of his strength to Moby in the jail. Zoe and Psymon both ran to catch the ball, and it hit off the both of them before hitting the ground.  
  
"Brodi's team wins!" I cheered while blowing my whistle. QUAAAAAAAAAACK! Everyone began jumping around and cheering, some because the game was fun, some because they won, and some just because the game is over.  
  
"Yay!" I cheered along with the crew. "Yay! Yippee, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed. But in a cheerful way. They all looked at me. "Gym time is over, now go hit the showers! That's it, get the hell out of here.  
  
They all continued cheering, and ran out of the gym in a big glob of, um, people.  
  
"Meet back down here in one hour for lunch!" I yelled after them. I doubt all of them actually heard me, or wanted to hear me.  
  
Well, it says right here on the clipboard that we eat lunch and I "brief them." brief them? On what? Never mind, it says I show them the big poster of the course and explain about practice schedules. It is all outlined right here, wow it's pretty easy doing this.  
  
Well here I am at the head of a long table, waiting for everyone to show up. It is cold (air conditioned) in here, so I am wearing my famous, gay windbreaker. Hey, its the only sweater I have at the moment, I didn't unpack yet.  
  
Well it looks like everything is set up, and we even have cool sandwiches and soda. Sweet. Well I have to stand up here with my pokey stick thing in front of the poster, looking suave, until everyone gets here. But it has only been 5 minutes since I dismissed them, so I have a feeling it will be a while!  
  
=====  
  
Yay, now pweeeeze go review! 


	5. Subway Sandwiches

w00t, its me, ssxgurl21, with the long-awaited new installment of Through The Eyes of a True Champ. Sorry it took so long, writers block and math homework were obstructing me.

well first I must, as always, thank all of the reviewers from chapter number 4. And there are lots of random 4's throughout this, idk what they are!!!

princesspie45: Thankies mucho!

NA: Lol thanks.

Hypnotizedminds666: Here's an update.

Collision: Thanks

DJ Atomica: Thanks so much for the review and for taking my side!!!!!!! But marty is actually a girl.... and we made up so it doesn't matter.

StarFire143: Thanks for all of your reviews! But I wanted to say that some words, such as loverly, are spelled bad on purpose, idk y I just think i have more flexibility w/ that b/c this is a journal. And I do put it through Spel Chekar b4 uploading ;D

Onward to CHAPTER 5!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Diary,

I decided you don't need a name, and DIARY suits you. SO henceforth, I will call you by this name.

Anyway, I am here in the board meeting room, waiting for the SSXers to come back from the showering I instructed them to take part in. The quick 44€thinking on my part saved me from being in a small room with a bunch of nasty, sweaty people.

La la la, shuffling papers, looking important. Shuffle shuffle. After not even 10 minutes of nice shuffling I was interupted.

"Hey chico." cooed an all-to-familiar Latin voice. Guess who?!

"Hi Marisol." I said with a sigh. This bitch had some nerve to interrrupt my wonderful paper shuffling.

"I took a quick shower, but it was still steamy, hot, wet and desireable." she trilled in her nice little Venesuealan accent.

"I bet." I chimed, almost sarcastically.

"I wish you could have been there." she continued, while puting and brushing her fingers against my arm. Great, now she is flirting with me, but what else did I expect. I should make something up, quickly, so she stops acting this way......

"I bet your mommy and daddy wouldnt be too happy is some random black guy, twice your age, came in the shower with you. Especially a DJ like me, we can be pretty bad." I said. That shou444ld do the trick! But... no she is CRYING! Why is she crying?! Did I mabey say something rude and offending.....?

"Chico!" she choked through tears. "I never knew my father! Or my mother!" Sob Sob. I looked in my bag for some tissues, but all I saw was that silly panda toy. I handed Marisol the Moffee (The one that Kiora didn't already soil.) She blew her nose on it and hugged it close.

"What happened?" I asked, looking as sympathetic as I could.

"Well, when I was just a tiny child, too small to remember, my parents took me driving in their car. It was pretty crappy, so the brakes gave out and we wheeled down a hill into a ditch. Both my mom and dad died, but I ended up washing to the shore. A man and his 15 year old sex slave found me, and kept me." she sobbed.

"That was the saddest and most realistically fake story I ever heard." I said. What in the name of beezlebub am I talking about? Next Marisol did something totally unexpected, she threw the Moffee across the room and hugged me. For an extremely emo444tionally unstable girl, she has a strong grip.

"I knew you'd understand." she smiled while letting me go. Now she is staring me in the eye, getting closer and closer. She is way too close now, I can see all of the many tears that are clinging to her eyelashes. Oh no, she is gonna kiss me!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Um hey." said a male voice from behind Marisol. Her huge ass was blocking his head, so I pushed her out of her chair and looked to see the sandwich delivery dude from Subway. Saved!

"Hello." I replied. He looked at me a little embarrassed. Probably thought he was bursting in on a makeout session. Me and Marisol? As if.

"You ordered some sandwiches....?" he asked while taking off his hat and scratching his head. I almost burst out laughing, he has a mullet! A blonde mullet! How bout that, I haven't seen one of them since the 80's. I don't exactly know how that is funny, mabey its the weird color?

"Yeah, what the hell took so long?" I asked while grabbing the444 bags and shoving a 50 in the guy's hand. "Keep the change." I added while dismissing him with a wave of my hand. I am trying not to laugh out loud at his hair, and I am barely resisting the urge.

"Whatever." he shrugged while walking out. As soon as he closed the door, I fell on the floor, laughing so hard I thought my stomach might burst. Marisol started laughing too, I wonder how she contained herself so well...

After about 5 minutes of hysteria, Marisol stopped laughing and said, "Why are we laughing, chico?"

I didnt have time to respond, because Kiora and Mac came in along with Brodi.

"Hello grasshopper." said the tall, blonde Zen man.

"Nirvana in da house yo!" yelled Mac while making a 'word' sign with his fingers. Good lord, he still thinks he is black? I better but a TV block on the BET channel to take away the influence....

"Konichiwa!!" said Kiora brightly, adjusting her panda backpack. Looks like Moffee with straps attached to his tummy. Psycho Japanese and their psycho bears...

Speaking of444 psycho, here comes Bingo, I mean, Psymon. What the hell is he carrying????????

"FREEEEENCH TOAST AND SYRUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" he shreiked while barging through the door.

"Put me down, Psy!" laughed Zoe from atop his shoulder. Seems like someone is getting a free ride.

"Uh, nooooooooooo!" he yelled while running around in circles.

"Just put her down! The nice little charm wears off after about five minutes, when all the blood rushes to her head so you can't even see her warpaint." I said lamely. Psymon actually obeyed, though, and dropped her in a chair.

"Thats better." Zoe sighed. "So whats for lunch?"

"Sandwiches." I replied. "But we eat after the meeting." I added, wiping the happy smile off everyone's face. I guess they all love Subway..

"But I am hungry dawg! You are such a foshiznic!" yelled Mac.

"No more comments from the peanut gallery please, just sit the fuck down and you will east when I tell you." I snapped.

"Hell no! I say we rebel. BOARDERS ON STRIKE!!!!!" yelled Mac.

Silence.

"Silly Mac44 cie-cun, just sit down. We din't even board yet." trilled Kiora. His eyes got all glassy and he put on a goofy smile while obeying and sitting down. Wait, he listens to her and not me?! What does she have that I dont? Boobs, for one thing.

And one by one, people assembled. 5 o'clock rolled around; FINALLY, time to begin the meeting. I was about to close the door, but after a quick count, I realized that we are one boarder short. We are missing...

"Elise!" I yelled. "Where the hell is she?"

"I dunno." sai44d Zoe. "Doing her hair, I expect."

"No person could take an hour to do their hair." I said angrily. Where the hell was Elise???? "Ok everyone, I am leave Kiora in charge of you all. I am off to find Elise." I said while patting Kiora on the back and walking out. I hope she can control them... Oh who cares at this point?

Now here I am, walking through the halls yelling Elise's name. Searching diligently. After a loooong long time (well, 5 minutes), I gave up and leaned against the door. Big mistake.

I fell into the closet where Elise and the Subway Boy with the Mullet were having a snogfest.

4444"Oh lordy, come on Elise." I groaned. "You can do better than a sandwich delivery dude." I said while grabbing her arm and pulling her down the hallway to the board room. I as doing double tugging, because for half of the ride Elise was holding sandwich boy's hand and hastily scribbling down her number.

"Ok I have found Elise, horay, woop woop, time to start." I said while dragging Elise into the meeting room where all of the boarders were gathered around Marisol and JP, who were playing strip poker. "Let's break it up, here!"

Five minutes later, the meeting started as all of the fully clothed boarders sat and listened attentively while I showed them the trail down Mount Garibaldi that they were going to be riding. I showed them the freestlye part, and the racing part. Everyone nodded like they actually understood. Magical.

After the meeting, we all ate yummy sandwiches, went to bed full and cheerful, and lived happily ever after. For now.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Not a great chapter, but I will get to some great snowboarding next installment!


End file.
